f I had a dollar for every time my phone rang and it was a call from my friend Tae* telling me about her new ex-boyfriend, I’d pay somebody else to give her advice on how to pick up the pieces. I quit. I love her to death but she just doesn’t listen! And to her, it’s always the guy’s fault as to why things didn’t work out. I can tell you how the conversation is going to go before it even happens. She’ll ask me how I am (but doesn’t wait for me to give her an answer), say ‘Let me tell you what this jerk did!’, I act surprised, she rants for 20 minutes about just how big of a jerk he really was and then tells me she’s done with men, and then we get off the phone because it’s time for her to go to bed. The End.
Like I said, I love her to death. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a dope girl! She’s well-educated, beautiful, hilarious, personable, sophisticated, loves to cook, established, and ambitious. She attracts lots of guys so getting one isn’t an issue. However, she decides to date the ones that are far below her level. This is a crime we are ALL guilty of at some point (denial is b!tch so keep her in check please)! Face it and be real with yourself and I guarentee that by the end of you reading this post, you will be giving that dude (or dud) in your life a serious side eye.
Dating the same type of
loser guy over and over again only proves to be something that will rob you of living your life, finding happiness, love, and growth. For some reason, some woman cannot find a correlation between dating a rap sheet, GED-having, “self-employed” thug and the lack of ability to nurture a strong and committed relationship. They just see the height, biceps, good looks, the car and smell the cologne and who cares if he has 4 kids by 3 different women! And men are the only ones who think with what’s in their pants??? But, let me fall back a little.
Where there’s smoke, there’s usually fire. But a lot of times, we see what we want to see. “That’s not smoke, that’s his sexy aura”. C’mon. Really? If you think back to the very begins of a failed relationship, you will see that what he was showing you then was a prelude to what he was really about later. Now can you be mad at him for being what he really is or do you think that you skirted the fact that he’s not right for you? Honestly. Most women like a little danger. It’s a bit of a thrill to have someone that has a wild side who’s spontaneous and exciting. But don’t equate that to being with someone who’s either a flirt (possible
man heaux womanizer/cheat), party animal (might have lack of focus/ hates life/no ambition), overly charming (overcompensating for a lack of something perhaps). I dated a couple of guys who hung out a few times a week. And when it all cam crashing down, they chose that party life with the flashing lights over me. Each and every time. So what did I do? I recognized that and curved every last one of those clowns that stepped to me when I was out. I knew better that to look for a life partner at the bar. Look at things from a defensive stance. It’s okay to have your guard up a little bit. It’s better than letting the flood gates open and leaving way for every and anybody to come on in and have a good time.
Here’s a wild and crazy idea: date someone that you wouldn’t usually date. If you think he might be a little corny: date him. That guy in the suit that you see on the train every other day: smile and say hello. The guy from the legal department: invite him to lunch. Challenge yourself to get to know him, flirt with him, and have fun. You might even end up really liking him. Remember that in all of your situations, YOU were the common denominator. Therefore, the problem may not be them. It could be you. Do something new.
Are you a repeat offender? Do you find yourself attracted to the same type of guy? Have you tried dating someone different?