t’s been in the closet—we just finally decided to start wearing it proudly. It’s like getting your first low-cut top as a birthday gift at 16, only to finally wear it for the first time at 17 because your crush didn’t notice you til then you got used to the idea of having boobs. Or that dress that you finally found the right shoe for. No, bitch is not the new black! And no, no shots at Helena Andrews. I absolutely love her and her book. But, I believe it’s the bitch in women that earned us the right to vote. It’s the bitch in women put us in important positions in government office and Fortune 500 companies. It’s the bitch in women that heads almost 83% of single-parent households in America (2007 census). No, ain’t nothing new about being a bitch.
And when I say bitch, I don’t mean it in the way that would drive a woman to bust the windows out of somebody’s car (another post for another day). I’m not talking Omarosa, Naomi (Campbell), or even the “Queen of Mean” herself Leona Helmsley (may she do her best to rest in peace). I do not condone the “touched” behavior of said women nor what they stand for (even on my WORSE cycle days!) who give every angry or PMSing woman a bad rap. Being mean for one’s own personal gain or at the expense of other’s isn’t cool. That’s just not what I’m about. I’m talking about the Sherry Argov definition. The Beauty (I hate being call a Babe) In Total Control of Herself. Now, I’m not a rabble rouser! Let me explain.
In Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches (a classic and must-have for the single girl), she begins her book with the thought that the nice girl is the world’s doormat. I couldn’t agree with her more! I’ve found myself in situations where it was “Bitch or Die”, and ladies (and gentlemen) die was just not an option for me. Why should I deprive myself of victory or satisfaction for the sake of being nice? Sounds silly right? Well, a vast majority of women do so every 30 seconds. Being a bitch not only aids in getting you what you want, it is essential for survival! Being strong and resolute should not equate to being vilified.
I chatted with a girlfriend the other day about a date she went on. It went a little something like this: She went out to dinner with a guy she didn’t really like instead of going to a concert she had been dying to go to. At some point during dinner, he said something stupid and offensive. She then asked for the check (with the idea of paying for her portion), to which he replied, “Thanks for dinner.” OH NO HE DIDN’T! (O_o) Had she been a “bitch” about the situation, she would have gotten her concert, dinner, or maybe even had better company to enjoy her evening with. I know that we’ve all been in similar situations like this one a time or two (please, no more than three!) because you don’t want to be mean. I’m here to say that it’s not being mean. Your time is valuable and so are you, dolls. Get what you want out of your daily life and stop being nice. It’s crazy to think that there are people in this world who have the audacity to take advantage of others. It’s even crazier to sit down and let it happen.
I can admit to struggling with my inner bitch because I am naturally a loving and giving person. But when it really does count, I let her win. And then we both win. Honestly, I’ve told the lame ones that I’ve dated where to go (and how to get there quickly). I’ve let co-workers who tried to belittle me or insult my intelligence know that the department that takes the BS is closed for the day (and everyday after that). Even some of my clients who demand more than they want to pay are (nicely and professionally) put on notice that I don’t work on a design plantation and they are not my owner. Plus, a little humor can dull the sharp blade of honesty—and it still cuts!
Girls, this world is filled with people who will cut you down and keep it movin’. Jealous coworkers will try to steal your shine. Men will pretend to be things they are not just to get places that they don’t belong (let the church say Amen). Best friends will go behind your back and intentionally do things to hurt you. It’s your job to be your bodyguard. There’s nothing new about this concept, but perhaps in how we look at it. Being a bitch is not always a bad thing. It’s a bold thing.