B!tch Is Not The New Black…


It’s been in the closet—we just finally decided to start wearing it proudly. It’s like getting your first low-cut top as a birthday gift at 16, only to finally wear it for the first time at 17 because your crush didn’t notice you til then you got used to the idea of having boobs. Or that dress that you finally found the right shoe for. No, bitch is not the new black! And no, no shots at Helena Andrews. I absolutely love her and her book. But, I believe it’s the bitch in women that earned us the right to vote. It’s the bitch in women put us in important positions in government office and Fortune 500 companies. It’s the bitch in women that heads almost 83% of single-parent households in America (2007 census). No, ain’t nothing new about being a bitch.

And when I say bitch, I don’t mean it in the way that would drive a woman to bust the windows out of somebody’s car (another post for another day). I’m not talking Omarosa, Naomi (Campbell), or even the “Queen of Mean” herself Leona Helmsley (may she do her best to rest in peace). I do not condone the “touched” behavior of said women nor what they stand for (even on my WORSE cycle days!) who give every angry or PMSing woman a bad rap. Being mean for one’s own personal gain or at the expense of other’s isn’t cool. That’s just not what I’m about. I’m talking about the Sherry Argov definition. The Beauty (I hate being call a Babe) In Total Control of Herself. Now, I’m not a rabble rouser! Let me explain.

In Sherry Argov’s Why Men Love Bitches (a classic and must-have for the single girl), she begins her book with the thought that the nice girl is the world’s doormat. I couldn’t agree with her more! I’ve found myself in situations where it was “Bitch or Die”, and ladies (and gentlemen) die was just not an option for me. Why should I deprive myself of victory or satisfaction for the sake of being nice? Sounds silly right? Well, a vast majority of women do so every 30 seconds. Being a bitch not only aids in getting you what you want, it is essential for survival! Being strong and resolute should not equate to being vilified.

I chatted with a girlfriend the other day about a date she went on. It went a little something like this: She went out to dinner with a guy she didn’t really like instead of going to a concert she had been dying to go to. At some point during dinner, he said something stupid and offensive. She then asked for the check (with the idea of paying for her portion), to which he replied, “Thanks for dinner.” OH NO HE DIDN’T! (O_o) Had she been a “bitch” about the situation, she would have gotten her concert, dinner, or maybe even had better company to enjoy her evening with. I know that we’ve all been in similar situations like this one a time or two (please, no more than three!) because you don’t want to be mean. I’m here to say that it’s not being mean. Your time is valuable and so are you, dolls. Get what you want out of your daily life and stop being nice. It’s crazy to think that there are people in this world who have the audacity to take advantage of others. It’s even crazier to sit down and let it happen.

I can admit to struggling with my inner bitch because I am naturally a loving and giving person. But when it really does count, I let her win. And then we both win. Honestly, I’ve told the lame ones that I’ve dated where to go (and how to get there quickly). I’ve let co-workers who tried to belittle me or insult my intelligence know that the department that takes the BS is closed for the day (and everyday after that). Even some of my clients who demand more than they want to pay are (nicely and professionally) put on notice that I don’t work on a design plantation and they are not my owner. Plus, a little humor can dull the sharp blade of honesty—and it still cuts!

Girls, this world is filled with people who will cut you down and keep it movin’. Jealous coworkers will try to steal your shine. Men will pretend to be things they are not just to get places that they don’t belong (let the church say Amen). Best friends will go behind your back and intentionally do things to hurt you. It’s your job to be your bodyguard. There’s nothing new about this concept, but perhaps in how we look at it. Being a bitch is not always a bad thing. It’s a bold thing.

Agreed? Was there a time where you had to get bitchy? Has being nice worked better instead? What are your thoughts?

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5 Responses to B!tch Is Not The New Black…

  1. joannagenius says:

    Well as a mattafact I had such an occasion arise this past saturday.

    While i was getting my sippy sippy on attending a nice little bbq – apparently I had been spotted by some dude. I guess after my companion left me alone for five minutes- that was five minutes too long.

    So over he came – checking me out, asking me questions aka getting his grill on. He had every intention of throwing my number in the bag and i knew it. But still- mmm. i didnt shrug him off. I engaged in conversation, even shared my actual name. I was my usual charming self, a dash of humor, a little sass. “You’re answering all my questions correctly, Joanna. I seemed to have forgotten my phone in the truck. Let me go get it and I’ll take your number down. I’ll be right back.”

    Now as this man was walking away i had a little pow wow amongst my thoughts. We can end this quick, quiet and QUICK by walking away or we can do this the long way- him calling me up, me not answering, or agreeing to go out with him and cancelling, going out with him because he was feeling me and it was ‘THE NICE THING TO DO’..

    With that – I picked my buzzed butt up and moved on through the crowd.

    Simply put- i just wasnt that into it- and id be wasting everyone’s time acting like i was.
    Interpret it as you will, but eh, it made more sense my way. Bitch or not.

    He did glare at me during the end of the night but i figure that was better than leaving vmail after vmail.

    *KanyeShrug*

  2. tammyllc says:

    Lmbo, you cousins, smh. Yeah. Being nice has not been working out for me. I remember telling someone it was going to be my New Year’s resolution to be a bitch for 2010. They checked me on how that wasn’t “Christian-like”. Well, I haven’t been looking like a pastor’s daughter going through all the drama thrown at me because I want to be nice and considerate of others. Once I can find a way to implement the “Beauty…” into being nice like Jesus then I figure I’ll be straight-still even Jesus didn’t take garbage, he was quick to trace off a mean person (sometimes with a touch of humor).

  3. peach1285 says:

    AGREED!
    Round of applause friend. Preach it sista!
    Bitch is nothing new and has been worn very well by women from the beginning of time. However Kimora Lee Simmons is one of my favorites.

    Being a Bitch is all about a womens attitude. Often times i see women having a hard time finding the balance with channeling their B.I.T.C.H. Their either too mean and angry and it comes off aggressive or theyre just plain ole stuck up and snobbish. Either way its not attractive! I like to say be turned up with out being a turn off!

    So to answer your questions Danni i think a B.IT.C.H should always nice but not to be mistaken for weakness. Its ok to get bitchy. I think its healthy. As long as its addressed in the right way and directed to the right person. I know i have to check myself sometimes cus i be side eye…

  4. lovelyshenelle says:

    I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH BEING A BITCH! Its been along time coming but if i pull the bitch out the bag you better believe its warranted. Don’t get me wrong i love and I’m about love but sometimes you have to stop and think……. WHATS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT. feminism is not new and will never get old as long as we continue too see positive effects. In my opinion the days are numbered, soon we will have a female president and she wont get there by being a doormat ! instead society will label her and if bitch is in the society proclaimed name i wont be surprised. I doubt she would care though:-)

  5. By a long shot, one of the best article l have come across on this valuable subject. I quite go along with with your assumptions and will thirstily look forward to your future updates.

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