50 First Dates

Admin note: after a little break from the holiday, it’s nice to get back into the full swing of things! 🙂

We all remember this movie. It’s actually one of my favorites. If you don’t remember, it’s the one where Adam Sandler portrays a veterinarian who is some what of a player. One day, he meets a girl played by Drew Barrymore who rocks his world, only he doesn’t know that she has short-term memory loss. And so he pursues her and tries to get her to remember him and fall in love with him with 50 first dates.

There’s an interesting idea here: Dating can actually lead to love. Or rather, the pursuit of a person’s interest can lead to them getting to know you and hopefully, fall in love. What a lot of women do (from talks with my girls and guys on the couch) is meet a man, decides on the first date (if there even is one) that she wants him, lays on her back all her cards out, and gets left to cry on my couch to her girlfriends about what a jerk he was. Sound familiar?

For the most part, people have taken dating, in its truest sense, out of the equation. I can’t tell you how many times, I’ve come across women who have jumped off with met a guy, and gets rejected almost immediately. It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, how much you make, or what type of purse you’re carrying. If you give the impression that you’re there for just a good time, that’s all you’ll get. To be quite frank, I’m not mad at the guys. I have a lot of guy friends and the stories that they tell me about some of the things that women do “make them theirs” are unbelievable! Think about it, if you give a sprinter the metal before they even run the race, would he even bother trying? He’s already got in his hand what he wanted and didn’t even have to work for it! Here’s my breakdown on dating. You can look at it as rules if you want, but this is what I’ve experienced and what I find that works.

Treat him like a friend. Ladies, we all have that dude in our lives: the co-worker, the neighbor, you’re brother’s friend, etc. that we wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pool and for some unknown reason, this man is madly in love with you. You know good and well he is but, you play dumb. If you treated the guy that you wanted this way, you’ll allow him the opportunity to appreciate the OTHER parts of you that make you special.

Go on dates that take you out of your element. How about a brunch date? Maybe bowling? Swing a putter at Chelsea Piers? Go see Chicago (the Broadway show…of course if he’s ballin’ and wants to fly you to the actual city, I’m not mad)! Do things that you’ve always wanted to do. You gain a new experience with your “new friend” and learn about each other in the process.

Don’t cancel your plans. If you already have plans for the evening no matter how small: your sister’s in town, you need to wash your hair, True Blood is coming on, whatever, do NOT cancel your plans for this man. I have yet to meet a man who has put something of importance to him to the side so that he can take me out. Now, if his plans fall through, that’s a different story. Then he’s picking up the phone. If he’s really interested in you, he will wait, take a rain check and try again. Trust me.

Relax and enjoy the date. It drives me nuts when my girlfriends act like she is about to go on a date with the last man on Earth. Truly! I think if a man is nervous about his date, he’ll do little romantic things for a woman to let her know that he likes her, i.e, being extra courteous and bringing flowers. When a woman is nervous, she piles on the make up, takes off the clothes, and goes all out to impress him. Be you, have a good time (refer to the first suggestion and treat him like a friend), and don’t stress it. Besides, if he wasn’t into you, you wouldn’t be on the date in the first place.

Do you think that going on multiple dates with a guy is dead? What if you dated multiple guys? Is that wrong? What has worked for you when it comes to sealing the deal with a dude?

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One Response to 50 First Dates

  1. peach1285 says:

    I feel like such a douche for not posting! Shame on me! TBC…

    But first let me say that i love this. I almost died and “ten foot pole” as these r some key and basic “set of laws” for dating.

    So a few things…. Going on multiple dates is not wrong however sleeping with multiple partners at once is wong. I dont think dating the same guy multiple times is dead, however if you give it up on the first night lets just say your chances are chopped in half. Like you said “You give him the goal without even making him run the race. So unless you’re clearly confident and have that je ne sais quio, he wont really be calling again.

    But whats worked best for me is stepping in not expecting much. While i keep my standards high. My first approach if im really digging him is to be a friend first. Falling in love and getting intimiate are all things that gradually happen. People mistaken sex for love. And let me tell you that you will be screwed for life if you confuse the two.
    But i just basically followed his lead. Took my time to build our bond and trust. Then eventually the wall came down.

    I just think that if a woman/ man keeps in mind that “dating/relationship” is not something that can be forced or planned they’ll be ok.

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