I’m Not Sayin He’s a Gold-digger…

So last week, I touched on living within your means or “wearing YOUR shoe size“. It makes no sense for you to be carrying the new Delightful Monogram, but you’re two months behind in your rent. That’s just raggedy. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. Your man feels the same way. How do I know? Let me explain.

One of my boys has been with his girlfriend for 7 years (already there’s something wrong with this…girlfriend after 7 years…Mmmyeeahh). She’s a great girl though. I think she’s the best girlfriend he’s had in the 15 years I’ve known him. She’s supportive of everything he does. She’s sweet, funny, caring, and very loyal to him. After 7 years, who wouldn’t marry a girl like that? Right? I’ve told him a thousand times that girls like her are NOT a dime a dozen. He agrees. He loves her very much and does what any devoted boyfriend would do. However, here’s his problem: she’s terrible with managing her money. Not only that, she leans on him from time to time to bail her out of financial trouble. Now, like I said, He does love her. So he puts up with this. But it’s the financial issues which have stunted their growth as a couple. And to be honest, he’s at his wits end—he’s already given his ultimatum. Is this extreme though? Should a man, or woman, for that matter kick their Sig to the curb because they have to wait til they get their money right? Should a good woman suffer simply because she can’t get her purse strings tight? My answer is emphatically, HELL YES.

But wait, let me continue to argue my case. I know a girl, let’s call her Shay. Shay’s a talented entrepreneur. She works as a painter. She makes okay money. Her boyfriend on the other hand, well, let’s just say a thousand dollars could fall out of his pocket and he wouldn’t miss it. Shay was complaining the other day that her account was in the negative—$170 in the red to be exact. Since she works for herself, this is a bit of an issue. She’s not like most people who know that no matter what, that check is going to come every other Friday. She needed to purchase paint for a job she was commissioned for but didn’t have the money. Her options were to a) not take the job b) put it on her debit card any way and get hit with yet another overdraft fee or c) call Big Daddy to bail her out. After about five minutes of deliberation, of course, she chose option C. He gave her his credit card number over the phone and she reluctantly (but happily) bought her paint. Shay’s situation really saddens me. She’s over thirty, no children and has been with her man for close to 10 years. She’s waiting for him to put that rock on her hand and has often cried in the past about it. She is just baffled as to why he won’t take the relationship to the next level. They live together and everything. What’s the difference??

The difference is, you become more of a liability than an asset when you cannot pull your own weight in a marriage (Now there are some men who don’t mind and want to be the one providing for their wife. Personally, I have a problem asking for an allowance so this  sort of situation has no appeal to me).  I don’t fault these guys for not marrying their girls. Actually, I feel sorry for them. Had it been me, I don’t think I’d sign off on this either. Think about it, if you had worked to obtain a better lifestyle and some level of success, would you allow a person, even the person you love, to come in and put that in jeopardy? Ladies, it’s important to know that you will not get wifed if you don’t have it together…money included. And just like how we like to have high (and sometimes MIGHTY) expectations of the men we date, so should we have those same expectations of ourselves. Personally, I’ve set some goals to get myself in line with what I’m looking for in my husband. Keep in mind the next time you meet a guy, he may just be looking at you the same way you are looking at him. What are your thoughts on this?

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3 Responses to I’m Not Sayin He’s a Gold-digger…

  1. peach1285 says:

    Ugh! Yes! Im so inspired to get my ish together! Tho i never had to ask ANYONE for anything except my pops! Never will! 2011 hopefully i will have more post and my goals checked on my list! Finances and all!

    love ya!

  2. Harris says:

    This was a very good read. I always say a person needs a partner and not a dependent. I know a few female who aspire to be housewives and I just shake my head. They have jobs now but in the future they want to be taken care of. Who would want to marry a leach? I wouldnt.

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