And You Say He’s Just a Friend….


"How long have you loved Hip-Hop?" - Brown Sugar


He was the one who used to chase you around the school yard in grade school. Middle school you hooked him up with the girl in your homeroom because you thought they’d make a cute couple. In high school, you went to all of his games (rain or shine). And you were the ONLY girl who his mom let step foot inside the house (let alone the yard!). You were sad and blue when he went away to college, but every summer you made sure to catch up with each other all the way up until the night before it was time to go back. There was that ONE awkward moment between you two, but who remembers it right??? Yes, he’s your BMF (Best Male Friend – no “work”, no Rozay). Down to the end, and like a brother to you. You know that you could call him and he’ll be there on the double promptly (even if he’s with a chick, no less). Why? Well, you already know, but you’re just in denial…because he’s just a friend, right?

Now that you are both twenty-somethings, still single (you AIN’T married), and have been through it all with the worst of the worst ex-boyfriends and the drama-crazy ex-girlfriends, isn’t it time for something better? Why not give your heart to somebody that you already know?

It’s a question I’ve asked myself  TOO many times. Growing up, I was always “one of the boys”. I just preferred hanging with the fellas over the girls because they told better jokes, loved gadgets, and looked out for me like a sister. It didn’t start getting real between me and them until around college and I noticed that some of them got unusually EMO when I started talking about my current boyfriend. The freshman 15 went to all the right places (Thank you Jesus, Mary & Joseph and the gym!), I started wearing a little makeup, and for whatever reason I just started looking “different” to some. I’ve since then been dodging the not-so-subtle advances of a few of my “brothers”. It’s strange when the same person you’ve asked for advice on your boyfriends of the past has now put in an application for that position. But don’t misread–there were times (all of them sober) where I’ve considered making something happen. I just couldn’t pull myself over the Precious-sized mental block that he was of no blood relation to me and that if things don’t work out, we could totally go back to being the best of friends (right?).

So now when finding a good man is like finding a song that doesn’t have Drake on it, wouldn’t dating your BMF make the most sense? It’s a tough call in my opinion. You already know stuff like what happened on the trip to Cancun, the trip to Rio, aaaannnd THAT trip to Vegas *BBM palm face*. A little TMI if you ask. You’ve seen him at his doggish worst in some past relationships. And the fact that you love him but are not IN LOVE with him kind of skips that exciting step of getting to that point. On the flip side, you do know him for who he is so there isn’t any guess work of any kind. He’s keeping it real with you…maybe even a little too real but hey, it beats the need to go through texts and DMs to find out if he’s doing what he says he’s doing (who does that anyway! *side-eye*). He knows your likes and dislikes, how to make you laugh, and most importantly, how NOT to make you cry. Plus, you already know how much Mom absolutely adores him because she’s co-signed for him a hundred trillion times. Super overkill Mom, for real.

I’ve had excuses reasons why I just couldn’t cross that line. I know I’m about to throw myself into a pit of fire with some of them reading this but, here goes nothing *dives*:

Stuff changes after you smash the homie. Heaven forbid that things don’t work out and we have to resign to being friends again. You don’t think that the new boo isn’t going to pick up on that tension between the two of us, now do you?? And what are we supposed to do? Just pretend that nothing happened? Easier for you than me, my friend.

Marriage is imminent. We get along so well. We’ve know each other almost all our lives and now, we’re in love. So when’s the date? Don’t get shook now! You remember the end of Love & Basketball don’t you? When Quincy and Monica played that winner-takes-all game and Monica ended up winning, what was the next scene? Right. Quincy holding the baby! I rest my case. I’m not saying I’m afraid of marriage (that’s another post for another day), but if you step onto the field, you better be able to make the plays. Don’t fool around with my emotions simply because you’re curious.

It’s going to be hard seeing you move on if it doesn’t work. Nobody will ever be good enough or measure up to me. I’m sorry. Your brand new, super fancy, no personality-having….see, I’m sounding like a hater already. And it’s not sexy. Plus I don’t want to run the risk of losing you all together.

So let’s  just keep our relationship in its little glass case up on the shelf and play it safe. What do ya say? Could I be missing out on a good thing or should friends just be friends no more, no less?


About The Girls

sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no makeup on. and taking over the world.
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One Response to And You Say He’s Just a Friend….

  1. joannagenius says:

    ABSOLUTELY A NO-CAN-DO SITCH! ABSOLUTELY! Just a one-way ticket to Awkward City.

    i had the weird/awful displeasure of crossing this line.
    In some cases women need to keep their eyes peeled-because sometimes THEY ALWAYS WANTED TO SMASH/Get into a relationship- they just relegate themselves to the friend corner hoping they will catch you slipping one day.

    RULE #1 in smashthehomie-dom: NEVER SMASH THE HOMIE DUMMY!

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