or honesty’s sake, I’m willing to admit it: I’ve truly been in a daze recently. What was clear has become unclear, the constant has become very inconsistent. Why? Several people involved my life (People that have been a part of it for years now) have fallen short of my expectations and it forced me to look at them in a new light.
Now this ain’t my first rodeo, so I’ve come to understand my reactions and why they occur. I’ve become very acquainted with the emotional routine of it all. My first reaction to someone falling short has always been to
A.) Distance myself from the offending party aka the cut-off
B.) Question my people skills and intuition for not seeing it coming and C.)The third and final step was to throw another barrier up as a form of self-protection or self-preservation (depending on how close I was with the offending party) and hold onto that grudge with a kung-fu grip!
With every passing birthday I seem to get more set in my ways– taking this from a practice to a full-blown recuperation plan.
Shutting people out and holding grudges has to be the most basic form of coping, but it’s what I know how to do. After some deep conversations with the bestie and a couple of home cooked meals with the girls this past weekend… I’m realizing that maybe this plan needs serious revising. One question that particularly hit me:
The look on my face hasn’t been blanker since Advanced Calculus I’m sure, but I definitely knew the answer. She said it before I could muster anything:
“No One. “
“Absolutely no one on this earth is perfect. People are going to fall short everyone you know will at some point. You shouldn’t pin too much on people because at the end of the day- they’re just human. Holding on to the actions of another person will get you nowhere. You have no choice but to let the past go – it’s the past. Learn the lesson, heal yourself and move on.
The trick is getting to know yourself, getting to know what you want out of people. Only then can a person really give you what you want and live up to your expectations.”
These words had the sharp intensity of an ice pick and have been slowly throbbing in my brain ever since.
I’ve made a resolution to try my best to reverse this learned practice (As seen in exhibits A-C) and to really embrace the people I surround myself with-both the pick-me-ups and the let downs are a part of life I have to learn to deal with. Living this will be a hard process for me, as most anything worth attaining is. But I’m confident that it will be for the best.
In moments like this I realize that becoming a well-adjusted adult is a process of realization and emotional growth. I used to think that the beautiful person would only come after the metamorphosis, when in reality it’s the process, the moments of clarity and growing through where true beauty is revealed.
Being a work in progress is not as bad as it sounds.
Understanding our emotional shortcomings and resolving to do and be better is done through reflection so every morning when you take a glimpse of that girl in the mirror, make sure to really take a LOOK in the MIRROR.
Stay truly beautiful.