hat’s in a name? Well, as some people may see it, EVERYTHING! If you call a woman a lady, then it’s safe to say that she possesses those qualities that warrant that title: refined, good disposition, with no extra neck action when she’s trying to get her point across. On the other hand, anything the opposite of that is….well, you get my drift. So does this same rule apply when it comes to our relationships? Does it matter what your title is so long as you are being appeased by your man? Does a title bring about particular expectations that not having one doesn’t? Or is it safe to assume that if two people are involved, there are certain things that will automatically come with the territory?
Looking at my own personal situations and those of others, I have come to the realization that a relationship of any kind is what you make of it from it’s inception. I have a couple guy friends who have long-time girlfriends, fiancées, or wives and pretty much treat them as one of a long line of women that they are dating (no dry snitching here). Yes, she has the title, the house, the anniversaries, the gifts, and maybe even his child. But, does having those things out-weigh having an actual relationship? That’s like being labeled a Vice President of your department, but you answer the phones, file away documents, make trips to Starbucks, and schedule your boss’ meetings. So because you’re being called a VP, are you not actually a glorified secretary? (By the way, I like my coffee light and sweet.)
I have a girlfriend *Nicki who was dating a guy for about four months. Within the first month, he decided on his own accord that he wanted her to be his girlfriend and give her “the title”. A month later, he brought her to meet his parents and then his grandmother. She also met his friends and a host of other relatives. At this point, it was safe to assume that she was in fact, in a relationship that was going somewhere. Outside of all of this, he continued to club every other night, keep in contact with tons of females from his past (or present, who knows). And, for some reason, people seek validation of their relationship on Facebook. For the sake of argument, he made no mention of being in an actual relationship the entire time on his page and continued to add random females on his page. So was she ever really his girlfriend or just his Main Chick? And then they break up and the next day he’s seeing someone else. Surprised? I sure hope you’re not. If a man’s actions do not coincide with the title he gives you, it is safe to say that the actual nature of the relationship trumps the title. His intentions are what should be considered, not his words.
On the other hand, I know guys and women who prefer not to have a title on their relationship because it takes the stigma away from the reality of their situation–being cuffed. There’s a certain level of comfort and lack of expectation when there are no titles because for many, titles are just messy. “I don’t need a title because he knows how I feel about him. We know that we’re more than friends and it makes it easy to just hang out and enjoy each other’s company” one of my girlfriends says. This approach is cool if you are not expecting anything or you are willing to take things slowly (which I cosign heavily). But what happens when you are? The guy you’re seeing gets the leftovers, your boyfriend might get Hamburger Helper, but your husband gets Filet Mignon. There are just somethings that seem simple but I’ve seen girls give all they have to someone who’s not worthy the “husband” title or has no title at all! Rather than making a man give you an empty title, require that he treats you according to the level that you’re after.
But the key to how a relationship goes is in how you establish it from the moment you meet. Don’t tell a man that you want to be wifed but then do strumpet things early. If you’re trying to go from Main Chick to wife, make sure that you are with somebody who is willing to make that commitment and is clear on his intentions and actions before you give the world and then some. But that’s just how I see it. What are your thoughts?