obody wants to admit to being jealous; even if it stares you dead in your green little face. Admitting jealousy ultimately acknowledges the fact that yes, she might be better than you. It concedes that beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is OWNing you. It’s the crushing blow to the ego that even the proudest of the proud cannot muster. So what do you do? You mask it–in ways so crazy, it almost seems like you’re not jealous, but that everyone else around you needs to get it together. Could you be jealous and not recognize it as jealousy? (Mmm, I doubt it) Or are you just in denial on the outside and then go home to push pins through a voo-doo doll of the chick you love to hate?? *blank stare* Whether you want to face it or not, you’re a slave to your own insecurity and there’s no sweeter freedom than keeping it 100 with yourself. So let’s make this easy. Let’s play a game called “You Know You’re Jealous When…” Ready?
You Know You’re Jealous When:
You don’t have anything positive to say. EVEERRR. Let’s say your homegirl gets a new hair cut. She’s happy and loves it and asks you what you think. Your response is: “You remind me of Justin Bieber. How cute.” Actually not cute (of you). Why compare your friend to a 17 year-old little boy? Try highlighting the positive like saying it brings out her eyes or something? Anything. But don’t tell her she looks like a boy. Thanks. Down-playing something is another hater move. If everybody agrees that something is dope but here you are with a simple, “It’s decent” *shrugs*, you might have a little envy that needs to be addressed. You don’t have to speak on it, but be real with yourself.
You imitate people. Yes, being a copy cat is a form of jealousy. Says who? Well think about it. You’re jealous because you wish you were them. But, you’re not so you emulate them. Makes sense now? I had a girlfriend who copied her childhood friend to the point where I couldn’t stand it anymore. When we’d go out, she try to copy her friend’s dance moves. She’d repeat something her friend said but in an obvious effort to make it funnier, or smarter, or just better. She even stole her tweets! (Really). But there’s nothing worse than trying to go out and cop the same things that somebody has. Your friend has a Marc Jacobs bag so you go get a Marc Jacobs bag. She moves into a certain neighborhood, you move around the corner. There’s nothing wrong with you or being you for that matter. Now, repeat that last line to yourself around 10 times.
You try to steal their friends. Having a group of mutual friends can be fun. There’s usually a nice balance of personalities with one common underlying thread. The rules of engagement are different though if you are introduced into an existing group of friends. Say for example, my friend Janine brought her sister Olivia to her friend Monica’s housewarming. Then 3 weeks later, Janine brings Olivia to Monica’s birthday party. Olivia feels more familiar now. So she invites Monica to go shopping with her next week, but she doesn’t invite her sister…who introduced them in the first place. It’s a little odd but nothing crazy. But then two weeks later, Olivia asks Monica and her other friend to go out for drinks after work without at least extending an invitation to her sister. Now Olivia is doing too much.
I don’t know about you but I might have an issue by now. It comes across as a way of trying to live another person’s life. You cannot replace somebody in their circle of friends. Instead, try to just be a part of the group. Bring what you naturally bring to any situation, whether it’s you sense of humor, empathy for people, or silliness.
I’ve dealt with jealousy and jealous behavior and it’s uncomfortable to say the least. People will try to down play your looks, take your friends, your job, your significant other or even your life. It’s always awkward so the most you can do is fall back. Has this happened to you? What were some of the things that made you realize that your friend or family member was jealous of you? How did you deal with it?