I’m Sorry Sir But, I Can’t Write With This

**Admin note: I sure hope my mama doesn’t read this post!

s the Honorable Pastor Mason Betha *smirk* once said, “It ain’t your pencil, it’s how you write your name.” To this I ask, what if you can’t write your name either? Is there hope for the hopeless? Does a perfectly good man succumb to his *ahem* short-comings? What happens in the situation when you have seemingly met the man of your dreams, until it’s time to do the deed? Do you walk away assuming that you’ll only be wasting your time and his pretending to be happy? Do you stay and “work” things out? I mean, let’s keep it 100 here. How many guys have you given the “It’s not you, it’s me” cop out speech to because he had Baby D and you were too afraid to let him know. And then, well, how do you tell him that the ladder is too short to reach the roof. Let’s explore this issue a little deeper, shall we? *wink*

One of my close girlfriends Rene* had recently gone through an unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on how you look at the glass) divorce. After being with her husband for a total of 10 years, it was now time to go back out into the mirky waters of the dating pool. She met a nice guy who could carry a great convo, knew the definition of romance and had recently gone through a divorce himself, so there was that empathy and understanding which was important for her. So far, she was off to a good start. Since it had been a minute, she made a grown woman decision that she was ready to go to his house. Sadly, her night didn’t end the way she anticipated. There were no fireworks, no earthquake, and no flashing lights–just confusion, reluctance, and feeling like she was on Punk’d and Ashton Kutcher was gonna jump out of the closet any minute! Needless to say, the train stopped abruptly right there. Now, what is a girl to do in a situation like this? Men always say, they need a woman to keep it real. Ok, how real do you want it? Because we could tell you the REAL reason why we stopped calling, sometimes answer your calls, and don’t have the time to go out with you anymore. Or we could save you the embarassment and therapy sessions and let you go through life thinking we were just being a jerk.

What about this: My other girlfriend had been pursued by this guy for about a year and a half. It wasn’t that he was ugly or anything. But he was the type of guy that most gold-digging hoodrats young ladies would pursue for all the wrong reasons: Had a good job, his wrists shined brighter than the Hudson on the Fourth of July, he had the weekday car and the weekend car, and stayed fresh to death wearing nothing that didn’t have a comma on the price tag, which for most good girls spelled trouble. But overall, really nice guy. So she decided to finally go out with him. Their chemistry was cool and wherever she wanted to go was fine with him. They dated for a couple of weeks and then after a night of dancing, she decided to see if those moves translated well at his condo. Let’s just say that all the money in the world couldn’t make that 2″ step a two-step. (#fail) Had she stayed in that situation, I bet most of you would have called her a gold-digger. But she kept it moving, so now she’s messed up and shallow right? (lol)  It’s a messed up situation to be in. You clearly like this guy, there’s potential for something great to happen, but there’s this “little” issue. *pats weave*

Here’s my take on the Itty Bitty Ditty Committee:

1. I think a lot of guys know what they are working with (or lack thereof) and fail to warn a girl before hand, just to see if we’d say something about it. For that, you’re dead wrong! Men already know what we’ve got going on from across the room and can readily assess if they want to pursue or not. If I’m an A-cup, there’s no hiding that and if he’s a boobie guy, well, on to the next! Done and done. No harm, no foul. What I think is foul is wining, dining, charming me for weeks, getting me to fall for you somewhat, and then hitting me with something that I couldn’t find in the daytime with a flashlight. They know they may not be well-equipped (especially if he played sports– guys, don’t tell me you didn’t “accidentally” see what your teammate was rockin’ with in the locker room once). Beware ladies of the guys who are everything that you’re looking for and more. He may be over-compensating for what he’s lacking. And it’s all bad because for the most part, guys can’t do anything about it. It’s not like he can go to the store and go buy a new kickstand!

2. How wrong am I if my shallowness is a direct result of your *ahem* shallowness? Historically, men have always complained about our physical attributes or how they’ve diminished with time. We’ve gotten too fat, our boobies are sagging, blah blah blah. Then for so many women, it gets the best of us and then we’re living in the plastic surgeon’s office. A breast augmentation, two rounds of booty shots, and a tummy tuck later are we still what they’ve always wanted? Who even knows! Men don’t even know what they want half of the time. So, guys if we’re up for the sacrifice of getting surgery for your approval, how about you return the favor? Which makes a nice segue to my next topic…

3. With the advancement of phalloplasy (dictionary.com, please or this LOL ), and for the low low price of anywhere between $4,000 – $17,000, he can be all he can be, like Dwight Eubanks. Is this realistic and is a guy willing to go this far? I think it’s something he’ll have to decide on for himself. I’ve never been an advocate of plastic surgery for women or men. But, each person is different. If you have the money and it’s something you want to do for yourself, GO FOR IT!

Ok, so here we are. Ladies, you may be passing up your soul mate and the best man that you’ve ever had simply because you get more satisfaction from your pinky. When you are weighing the pros and cons of continuing to date a man, what is really important to you? You could stay and work on it but there is the risk that you will be unhappy or even worse, unfaithful. On the flip side, sometimes, you stay in an unhealthy situation because you are blinded by the physical. Have you broken things off with a guy because he couldn’t break you off? I need stories! How did you handle it? Are you still with him and how did you make it work for you?? What happens when you come across Baby D?? (Baby I got a plan, run away as fast as yooou can! *just kidding*)